Never Letting Go
by Eruanna Saerwen
Summary: Severus thinking back at a happy moment with his Lily. One of lily's birthdays. ONESHOT.


**Okay, this is a short one-shot about Snape because I feel so fucking sorry for him. I mean, I cry like hell every time I read the chapter in the deathly hallows where Harry watches the memories about Severus and Lily and then later about Severus when she dies and his Patronus being a silver doe and that the last thing he saw before he died was Harry's eyes because they were the same as Lily's and now I'm going to fucking cry again! **

**Well, this is Snape, in a grieving moment of loneliness, looking back at a much happier time. Enjoy!**

**30.01.75**

A tall, lanky figure sat alone in the dark room. His skin was pale and pallid and his black, greasy hair hung heavily into his drawn and tired face.

Severus Snape sat alone in his office, rain pouring down on the outside. The castle was so silent, as if in respect of his sorrow. There was no sound of students, chattering happily or running feet through the corridors. Empty and silent, like everything else.

Severus sat with his back against the window. He didn't want to look. He sighed heavily in pained frustration. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This was _her_ day. She was warm and sunshine and happiness. This gloom, cold weather didn't fit. It was wrong. He closed his eyes, willing his mind to remember the day, any of those days, knowing that it would hurt even worse afterwards.

He didn't need any Pensieve; he could never forget those moments. He pressed his eyes even closer shut, keeping the world out.

_It was a beautiful January day. The sun shone at the white carpets, covering the park and castle, making it glittering beautifully as new snow-crystals fell from the sky. _

_Lily Evans looked so beautiful; the slight flush of the cold on her cheeks, the happy smile playing on her lips and her deep red hair dancing around her shoulders. He really loved it when she put her hair down, free and untied like flames, even thought he knew they would never burn him. _

_They were sitting by the lake, the snow falling lightly around them. Some students where ice-skating on the lake, falling over each other and laughing, but he didn't notice any of it. How would he ever, when he was with her? _

_She smiled, lying down in her soft white powder, making a snow-angel with her arms and legs. He smiled down at her, throwing some snow playfully at her and bouncing down beside her. She shirked and laughed at the same time, putting some snow into the neck of his robes, making him shiver. He didn't even know if it was the snow or her touch that did it. _

"_No, Sev! You're ruining my angel! Stop it!" She cried out in fake anger. He just laughed in response, embracing her with his long arms, before tickling her, knowing how she'd react. She wriggled and kicked and giggled, trying to get out of his grasp. _

"_No! No! Stop! Fuck, stop Sev!" She laughed hysterically. _

"_No, I won't." He just smiled at her. _

"_Please, no! Don't! You're killing me Sev! It's my birthday!" She said it, what he waited for. So he stopped, feigning surprise. _

"_Is… is it your birthday today? Shit…" He said, looking away. _

"_What?! Did you forget my birthday?" She asked, sitting up, looking confused and disappointed. He couldn't bear to watch her being all sad like that. Without another word, he picked a present from his robes, nicely wrapped in green and gold. It was small and square shaped. _

"_You really thought I forgot?" He asked, smiling a little .Lily smiled to, shoving him playfully in his arm as he handed the present over to her. _

_She sat there for a while, fidgeting with the ribbon like she couldn't decide if she was going to open it or not. She really looked adorable, looking all hesitating and exited at the same time. She looked up at him, almost questing and he nodded at her, amusement covering his face. _

_She hastily tore up the wrapping and opened the box. Her eyes widened as she carefully picked up that something that was inside. Severus looked expectantly, almost nervous for her reaction. It was a small glass-bubble. Inside the bubble, there was a white lily growing and flowering over and over. She turned it in her delicate hands, lightly caressing it with her fingertips. _

"_So, what do you think?" He asked, breaking the silence. She continued looking at the bubble, completely absorbed by it. _

_She shook her head lightly. "I don't know what so say. It's so beautiful… Where did you get it?" She asked. _

"_I won't tell. It's a secret." He whispered, and then she flung herself at him, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, smiling into her shoulder, lightly running his fingers through her soft hair and closing his eyes. He breathed in and the wonderful scent of her hair encircled him; a mixture of daisies, honey and something else that he couldn't place. _

_After a while, but way too soon in his opinion, she pulled back. She rose to her feet, bringing him with her. She had the lily-bubble in her hand. With the other, she took his hand in her own warm, small hand, squeezing it and looking up into his eyes fiercely. _

"_You will always be my friend, right?" She asked. Her voice was so serious he wouldn't be surprised if she kicked him, if he didn't answer right. _

"_Of course," he answered breathlessly. How could he not. Her expression softened then, her green eyes sparkling with joy. _

"_Thanks," She smiled at him, and he didn't know if she meant the present or his assurance or both. It didn't matter. _

Severus blinked his eyes furiously. He was back in his dark, soulless office, the moment shared with Lily that sunny January morning only a faint piece of history.

He put his head in his head, roughly clutching fits of his hair. He thought back at her laughter, her smile and those beautiful green eyes he was cured to look upon that boy every single day. He couldn't help the sob that escaped him, ripping through his chest like it was breaking his insides in thousands of pieces.

His pained sobs drowned in the rain, drumming vigorously at the window, and a single tear ran down Severus cheek. He would never really let go.

**So, I hope you liked it, and maybe became a little sad. The title was the date Lily turned 15, which was the date of the happening Severus looked back at as you probably understood. **


End file.
